Hello World!

This is my first blog post, at least in a long long while...

I have a very good friend and colleague Nico who always reminds me to write whenever we talk. And I promise him I will, every time. And I mean it.

Just like I promise my doctor that I'll start working out and watch my diet for the past 22 years. I really do mean it.

Then I start obsessing about details, creating these elaborate tools or setup props, in order to optimize and make the effort as effective as possible. It takes time... And of course some other life thing flies in, which is definitely more important than writing and working out, and the initial effort hangs in the background collecting dust. And nothing gets done.

Can you smell a load of bullshit? It reeks. (Says the man who can't sense smell. That's how you know it's about to get serious)

I could of course conjure up a solid excuse that to most would sound undeniable. I could point my finger and blame capitalism which spurs from the sole nature of human beings and their survival mechanisms - meaning just the human nature. Which I do, by the way, but not in the context of being aware of it.

I could say that this flat format of text, as a medium, offends my multidimensional mind. All mediums fall short into expressing what I perceive. The language is weak and has limitations which lead to category errors. Or just simply put, I'm a weak writer. Why? Because I don't write.

I could even go as far as to accept things how they are. Just roll with how I've handled things so far. But I won't.

Why be so hard on yourself? Why fight yourself at all?

If I give up on fighting myself it would mean renouncing what means to be human and reverting to an animal. Further more it means I would become so permissive to start striving only towards sensory pleasures and in the effect of such behavior roll around in my own mud. That, my friend, is satanism. But then again if you overdo it, striving only for perfection, you will only be disappointed. You'll end up like me, with a lot of things on the back burner. Who am I kidding, they don't burn in the back, they are dead, dead like my plants, but I'm weak to accept it. Weak to be that brutal.

There is a reason God is God and human is human. Human should strive towards godly perfection but never attain it. This is our tool of progress. This is why we feel what we feel. On the road of enlightenment there is only one enemy - and it is yourself. There is no human experience without it. Attaining godhood would mean we are left without self completely - therefore does it even matter if we exist or not? What would we strive for if we become infinite, eternal and immutable? Death.

This is what we strive for constantly through time and civilizations - to save ourselves from the hostile nature, including our own, by becoming above it. This is why death excites us. But without nature's hostility we don't know ballance. And then it's very hard to be responsible for your own existence, right? It's hard to impose hardships on yourself when all you are wired to do is seek pleasure - that's what means being a whore. Don't be a whore.

How much is enough?

It doesn't have to be perfect.

Just take action. Own it.

Accept the imperfection.

The amount of effort is what counts. Ideas are effortless.

I bought a ring in an antique shop Kramer Kunst & Antiek in Amsterdam . An onyx stone silver ring to commemorate this.